chica’s great blog


Anyway I forgot to write about Today

Today was a funny one – I was supposed to spend the day googling, however I woke up a bit late and it’s all rainy and grey outside. I think the max. I can manage today is to wash the dishes and get into bed early. I am supposed to have an empty stomach before the first blood-pull and there will be 4 of them following in tomorrow’s session. So I think it’s best to go into bed to get the requisite 10 hour no-eating/drinking gap in. After the doc visit I get to work the entire day chez SO’s and fri, sat, sun I am planning to do all things I’ve been planning on doing for ages. I am going to tell the doctor NO to the medication since I am really intuitively feeling like it’d be the wrong thing for me. I don’t want medicines dammit!! I want explanations! Ugh!

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Yesterday & Today

So I went to the doctor – and guess what he told me? Well at first he was all wonderful and badabish! there came the punchlines. Wants me to take a medicine which is *so* wonderful and has helped *so* many women – and oh, it isn’t exactly allowed to use yet by the local FDA-like agency but that’s hardly a problem, I would just have to sign a paper saying I am okay with BEING A GODDAMNED GUINEAPIG. I deserve an award for not letting my pure rage at this guy show. What the hell??? Why hasn’t a single doctor till now just been the good ol’ doctor? Why are they all like some sleazy snake oil sneaks?? Everything is about them prescribing a certain brand or doing research on stupid sheeplike patients who just agree coz “the doctor told them” or coz they like being sick and talking about their stupid boring problems all day. Ugh!

I am in a bit of a pickle now. I told the guy honestly after grilling him for 40 minutes on this medicine he was trying to sell me (and I can tell you, the look on his face when he realized I wasn’t just gonna thank him, sign the paper, then bend over for a nice long buttfuck was PRICELESS) that I want to google about and find out more about this medicine. It was like pulling teeth from the guy just to get some basic information about my “condition”. Jesus. These guys are worse than auto mechanics. Atleast you can live with a busted up car but what about my body? Do they really think I am gonna take some pills then take some other pills to negate side-effects of this one then *another* pill to negate *that* one…oh my GOD.

I would rather just carry on like this, since it isn’t a fatal condition that I have. I mean it may cause problems with having kids and suchlike (which is an issue for my SO) but … really. I don’t want to end up being one of those people that smell like pills. Yuck.

So what do I do. Tomorrow I have to give the guy more blood, so he can do a test that is apparently not necessary since he knows what the story is so that he can use this test to convince the med-insurance to pay for that lovely, expensive pill he wants to shove down my throat. Of course, it isn’t guaranteed that they will pay, so I can’t be sure of that. And I have to take it *only* for 1.5 years *atleast*. Man, this guy better take a reality check.

I’d really rather die than become a sicky.

I have a gut feeling that just improving my diet and including a better excercise program (involving lots of outdoors/fresh air) will end up having about the same effect as this medication – and leave me looking and feeling good at the end of it all.

It’s so scary when you doctor doesn’t care about your diet, your excercise, your lifestyle, your smoker-status and just goes straight to a chemical pill to solve your problems. That is about the time, private clinic be damned, all the cappucino and friendly smiles can do nothing to deny the fact that you are just a little hamster they are so gleefully about to test on. Yuck.


a day like every other but in a different location

Today I came in to work @ SO’s. He has decided to put me in twice a week to “get me out of the house”. Now, I’m not naive. He just wants to fob off the not-interesting stuff he has to do onto someone else. Namely, me. No matter. I enjoyed being out of the house and having a reason for the whole life thing. Tomorrow is the 2nd working-day for this week.

Speaking of tomorrow, I have to be at the doctor’s at 9 am. Last week he extracted a *lot* of blood from my hard-to-find veins. About 12 vials of the thin red stuff. I read that blood only turns that lovely red colour when it hits the air and interacts with oxygen. Which makes me wonder – 1) what color is it in the body and 2) what’s air doing in the syringe-system she has stuck in my arm? I was rather brave through the whole thing though, which might be expected from a 32-year old. Proud all the same I didn’t clutch the back of her head and yank clumps of her hair off. While screaming like I finally found my purpose in life. (yes, I am afraid that when I find my purpose I will run shaking and screaming while bumping into various objects that change my orbit just a little bit).